Sex, Drugs, and Rock & Roll

It seems to me that if you’re an Indie Author you have to lead a life that is full of all the above. I guess that’s a pretty bold claim to make, but after over a year of walking the Indie Author trail, I’m convinced I’m on the right track.

Of course, I’m not literally speaking about having sex, doing drugs and listening to rock and roll music. Oh no. That would definitely not suit the life of an Indie Author (tongue firmly in cheek and I’m not asking for volunteers). But these are metaphors for our day-to-day writing lives. I guess I’d better explain.

Sex – Now, as far as I know there are two kinds here, men and women.  The Indie Author market is scattered with both varieties, but seemingly more women than men (and please feel free to prove me wrong). And from what I’ve observed, 100% of all Indie Authors are either men or women. So, obviously sex plays an important part in the process of writing.

Drugs – The sheer volume of tweets and Facebook posts I’ve seen extolling the benefits of drinking coffee or sipping a glass of wine while writing, leads me to further believe that, yes, drugs do indeed also play an important part in the daily life of an Indie Author.

Rock & Roll – Of course, rock and roll is just one form of music, but I have also heard that very many Indie Authors need some kind of background music playing in order to be able to get words down on paper. It’s to do with ‘getting into their space’ or something. Yep, music also plays an important part in the daily life of an Indie Author.

So, I think I’ve got it all worked out now. All you need to become a successful Indie Author is to be either a man or a woman, to drink coffee and to listen to music while writing. It couldn’t be simpler. My success as an author is now guaranteed.

But then I wondered about some of the other more common sayings. What if they were applicable to Indie Authors too? Let me explain.

Icing on the cake – I’m fairly sure this has to do with the coffee and wine thing. Most Indie Authors don’t like to eat plain cake while they write; they need the icing. It gives them fingers to lick while they think about what they should be typing.

Rule of thumb – See above. Icing on the thumb definitely makes an Indie Author stop and think before typing.

Beat around the bush – I am in two minds about this one. Obviously the beat could imply something to do with music, and the bush could represent the Indie Author. It could also just mean that Indie Authors take their time to get down to some serious writing.

Scrape the bottom of the barrel – It’s not until the coffee is empty or the wine is all drunk that the Indie Author actually gets around to writing a few precious words.

The writing is on the wall – this is, in fact, why Indie Authors stare at the wall for hours at a time before writing anything down.

Well there you go, the Indie Author life debunked. Me? I’m off to try the icing on the cake before I beat around the bush, scrape the bottom of the barrel, and finally give in to the writing on the wall. Sex, drugs, and rock & roll? We never had it so easy.