Writing Experiment #32 - Ryann Manuscript Edit Part 1

This is number thirty-two in a series of posts where I document the complete process of writing a novella - Day By Day!

INTRODUCTION

I am documenting (via my blog) the complete start to finish experience of writing a novella that I will be releasing for FREE once it is written and edited.

Ryann is the story of a thirteen year-old girl who works as a servant for a tyrant of a master, and longs for the day when she can buy her freedom. The novella will serve as the introduction to a new fantasy series I will start writing in 2013.

I have already written approximately 900 words per day and completed the draft manuscript. Now it's onto the editing phase.


The timeline for the experiment is as follows:

• Plotting, Characters and Scene Outlines - April 1to April 20 - COMPLETE
• First Draft Manuscript - April 21 to May 18 - COMPLETE
• First Manuscript Edits - June 18 to June 21 - IN PROGRESS
• Reader Proofs - June 22 to July 10
• Final Manuscript Edits - July 11 to July 14
• Ryann LAUNCH - July 25

STATUS

Today's Date: June 19th
Progress: Part 1 of my editing is complete (Chapters 1 thru 4)

Below is the revised opening part of Chapter One. In a few days time I will post the final edit updates. In the meantime why don't you read the complete draft manuscript (the original unedited version)?

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CHAPTER ONE

Ryann flattened herself against the cold stone wall and closed her eyes. “Don’t say anything,” she whispered to herself as the crack of the whip could be heard once more from the other side of the curtain.

A young girl screamed out in pain and a young man’s voice could be heard laughing. “Now that’ll teach you. Just stay still will you and it’ll all be over soon enough.”

Ryann wanted to cover her ears but dare not move in case she gave her position away. Again she heard the crack of the whip and the crying, screaming, noise the girl made as the whip found its mark. “Just don’t say anything.”

She knew she shouldn’t have wandered into the bedroom, but she had been curious. That was all. And it had been typical of Megan to follow after her. At least she supposed it was Megan. As soon as Ryann had heard the movement outside the room, she had quickly run to hide behind the curtain. And then, not twenty seconds later, Megan had been discovered. Ryann heard the pleading as the young man muttered something under his breath. And then she heard the familiar sound of a whip cracking and a girl screaming out loud. It could only be the master, Lord Cala. He was the only one that had a whip. Or his son. Of course it had to be his son. And that meant it would be even worse. No, she definitely had to remain as still as possible and hope she was not discovered.

Another two screams and it was all over. The room fell quiet except for the silent sobbing of the girl. Ryann dared to lift her hand to her face and she bit into it, stopping herself from shouting out. She waited another couple of minutes and carefully peered around the edge of the long velvet curtain. Megan was lying face down on the bed with her simple dress half-torn, exposing her bare back. Ryann counted five deep cuts where the whip had found its mark. She wiped away a tear from her eye and crossed over to Megan. She bent over the shivering girl, reached out a hand, and whispered to her. “Come on, let’s get you back to your room. Come on.” She carefully helped the young girl to her feet and let Megan lean into her as they walked together through the corridors, back toward their quarters...